[x]

RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

In The Daylight

In The Daylight

A false downfall
An unexpected revival

Sunset to moonset
Shining through darkness

Life...redefined
Death...redesigned

In the valley of promises- I will fear no end
On the brink of weakness- I will ascend
-
Roads of the toughest
Paths of the darkest

I conditioned my flawed limits
So fearful memories won't be paralytic

I had to raise my own spirit
Strength and endurance become so vivid

A chance for change / A moment of fate
A time to make peace / A brief feeling of creed
A sealing of my slate / A silencing of my mistakes
A secret ready to be freed / A chain soon-to-be incomplete

Pain and peace are infinite
Judge the wrat

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

Honesty Written

from the

heart.

No eraser.

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

PerfectEver had the feeling where you can't stop looking at a picture?
Your gorgeous face makes me smile
Go weak at the knees
Makes me giggle like a little girl

Those morning texts
All day conversations
Random silly things like that
Make me smile

I see the led light flash the colours I've set for when I get a message from you
My heart flutters
My cheeks flush
I go deaf to the world when I'm reading a message from you

If your down
I'm always there for you
I know you don't want to worry me
I know you want me to smile
But I'm always here for you
No matter how you feel
I'd prefer to help
Than for you to be down

Your gorgeous eyes
Are mesmerising
You

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I WILL LET THE STARS OUT SLOWLYI will let the Stars out slowly from the
fabric of my mind, soft-centered in me they
were, these jewels of Eternity shining high
in the navel of my Nights, I will let the
Stars out with every shivering white sigh
of my soul colliding against the Silence,
she makes silk of my scars as I undress,
searching for a glimpse of flesh that I'll
recognize, but the Stars are all I see...
shining just for me...these jewels of Eternity,
they tint my familiar mortality and dissolve
me into a perfect moment of quiet serenity,
I watch as they paint my Dreams with their
palette of glitter and frost, unseaming the
rust from my past so my Beauty

THIS SIDE OF THE MOONOn this side of the Moon I exist, giving kisses
to your reflection I glimpse in the confectionary
rush of Night, but you don't see me so impending
wishes I fold beneath my skin with the Desire
skimming the surface of unrestrained storms,
oh how I wish I could fall into you like the
soft pelts of autumn rain that fall into me,
dilating my eyes with Starlight, in unstable
upheaval I sit on the brim of a lonely Star
with just a freckle of a dream making me weak
with longing, anticipating the weight of Sky
my thoughts are guided by the moonlit wash I see
streaming from your side of the Moon, and again
I wonder do you wish to pasteuri

SHIPWRECKEDEven on the driest of days I am wet,
you still scent my skin with stormy skies
and the rain that clings to your footsteps,
your eyes-a warm shower that melts the
frost from my horizon, your voice-a cloud
burst that fills my pores when sighs are
not enough, my thoughts are a mist that
drifts like a lost soliloquy onto your side
of the Sea, tenderly dissipating in the
rainy haze of every kiss, but your love
was more a trickle than a downpour, leaving
my phials half-dry with Desire, my waters
rising without my floodgates being released
to enjoy the fathoms of no regret...but
dew still clings to my petals and more
than a few drops

CRYSTAL HEARTThrough a tousle of cloud and eggshell blue I heard Time
laugh unkind, my life a series of wispy scenes was maimed
by others' cruel jest, my hurt humidified by their crime,
they tried to clog my silence with sound, my spirit untamed.

Through my tender years I encased my heart in a crystal lair
where dreams were tossed with technicolor thoughts, but the bones
of my feelings were too shallow under the Stars-the pain was there
too, pulsing to be seen, blood I spied as I searched for home.

Within my crystal heart many shoreline scars I still wear,
a tattoo of hurt I carry inside where none can see but the breeze
that blows pulverized da

MAIDEN MEMBRANEFalling, softly falling through the Night,
my ideals are scattered like pollen by the
bees who sting my thoughts open, and I wonder
how I got here-a wreck drowning on a sandy
shore-how did I fall so far through this
sensuous glare, blurring the lines of my
once white lily into a scarlet window where
pain is pleasure and pleasure is a fleeting
pulsebeat, I must be a fool for letting you
rupture my maiden membrance when your words
were so cruel, I must be starved for simple
affection to allow my Purity to be bedded,
but strange Devotion never smiled at me and
tears only increased with the Night, falling,
softly falling on the bar

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RECOLLECTIONS OF AUTUMN

by ~NocturneJewel, Nov 24, 2011, 7:02:49 AM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

My dreams of you unfurl the scent of Autumn,
the fond recurrence of Sky blue and vanilla
clouds whispering by, crisping into the soft
browns of my eyes that search for you where
gravity no longer exists, the sugar maple leaves
lose their inhibitions and so do I-in my dreams
where the mist rolls in from the lip of a Star,
gently tumbling Eternity in the many sensational
perceptions that I perceive filtering through
my Autumn-hushed eyelids, recollections of
when we ran together, our lips primed with the
indelicate kiss of the Flame we dared to touch.

Our memory stash we bronzed before we imploded
like a pile of combustible leaves, smoke signals
filled the lungs of our souls, we tried to wade
through its sighs and storms...polishing clean
our shadows again...but an epilogue of our final
chapter trailed behind us, pulling us together
again when apart we should have remained, like
a fish that couldn't resist the friendly bait
dangling before her-so was I drawn back to you
and the broken departure I attempted to complete,
but my bedroom window kept yawning wide to these
dreams of you and the Autumn when I broke inside,
I keep closing her again so my scattered pieces
I can find...but until then these recollections
are still my illicit compensation.

November 11, 2011
© Jewel MoonSilver Knight - All rights reserved.

RECOLLECTIONS OF AUTUMNby ~NocturneJewel

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Bittersweet remembrances...

love 6 6

joy 2 2

wow 1 1

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~Avenvia Jan 5, 2012 Student Writer

Very beautiful, and extremely fitting for your character; I can really read your personality in the lines. And I love the first like of the second stanza the best

~NocturneJewel Jan 7, 2012

Thank-you. I'm glad my personality came through in the poem...and I'm glad you enjoyed it.

*Wolfyone Nov 26, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

So true that some things we just can not revisit and are best left in the past. You say it so beautifully.

~NocturneJewel Nov 28, 2011

Thank-you. It can be a painful realization and even more painful moving on, but sometimes that is best. Some relationships are best left in the past, especially when it cause you so much pain.

*Wolfyone Nov 28, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

Absolutely. We can have real love with someone who we ultimately can not make things work with. It's hard to walk away when that happens. But it can be very destructive to stay.

~NocturneJewel Nov 28, 2011

Yes, so true. But it just makes it so much harder when the other person doesn't share that realization, but you still know you must end that relationship because your wellbeing is what will be destroyed if you don't. I've been in this situation this past year and I keep saying goodbye but he won't let me leave. And it's hard keep on saying goodbye to someone I know a part of my heart will always love, but he just causes me pain. But even the friends I've talked to about him say he's not worthy of my love. And I want it to end, but he's not making it easy, so I'll just keep on repeating it until he does-or change my number.

*Wolfyone Nov 28, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

I've been in a similar situation. It's not easy. And because there are feelings there that are valid, it's doubly hard. But if the relationship is toxic then you have to do what you need to to get out of it. Not all love is good.

*halcyonshores Nov 25, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

This was Incredibly Beautiful ..........

~NocturneJewel Nov 28, 2011

Thank-you! It's so nice to hear from you again...I hope you enjoyed your time away.

*halcyonshores Nov 28, 2011 Hobbyist General Artist

You are so very welcome.
My time away has been quite busy, and will continue to be so
next month. It is always a pleasure, however, to return, if
only for a few moments each time, and take a breath of wonderful
friends and artists, and a 'small measure of peace'. [link]

Hugs to you.

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RECOLLECTIONS OF AUTUMN

RECOLLECTIONS OF AUTUMNby ~NocturneJewel

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